Americans in Wonderland<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
By Mark Landsbaum
 
 
"There is no use trying," said <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Alice, "one can't believe impossible things."
 
"I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
 
 
I'm reading my granddaughter Alice in Wonderland. Maybe I should just read her the daily newspaper.
 
The New York Times won a Pulitzer Prize for informing our terrorist enemies who want to kill us that our government was listening to their cell phone calls. A prize? For aiding and abetting the enemy during wartime?
 
The Washington Post won a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the CIA held terrorists in "secret prisons" in Europe. The problem is, the same newspaper has since reported that Europeans investigated and found zero evidence that any secret prisons ever existed.
 
The U.S. Senate is cracking down on illegal immigration with a new law that will allow merely 193 million aliens into the country over the next 20 years. That should solve the problem, since we've had only 12 million illegals sneak into the country over the past 20 years. This way we can increase the flow by 171 million simply by making it legal. That should be a big boost to the school and health care systems, to say nothing of rush-hour traffic.
 
Iran, which wants to become a nuclear power, says the U.S. is the great Satan and that Israel should be wiped off the map. So we have turned the matter over to the United Nations and its courageous corps of foppish European diplomats, Third World crooks and assorted despots and dictators. If this isn't Alice in Wonderland thinking, what is?
 
Everybody's sweet-faced nice guys, Ron "Opie" Howard and Tom Hanks, have made a movie based on the idea that Jesus Christ didn't die on the cross and rise from the grave to pay for men's sins and save their souls, but instead snuck off with his girlfriend Mary and had babies, while the evil church covered up their escapade.
 
California legislators are about to pass a law that says mom and dad can't be held up as the ideal in public school textbooks because children might conclude that homosexuals living in sin and perverts who want to "be" and dress like the opposite sex aren't good role models. Imagine that.
 
Republicans want us to believe an administration and Congress that's spent more than the Clinton Administration, and for that matter more than every other presidential administration and Congress in history, is really "conservative."
 
The ACLU has announced that no one should think it's launching a war on Christianity, despite filing lawsuits for decades from coast to coast to remove any reference to God, bar any utterance about Jesus and prohibit any instruction concerning the Lord from every public venue.
 
Vanity Fair's magazine cover headline insists global warming is a worse threat than terrorism, despite the fact so-called global warming may have managed to heat the earth all of one degree Fahrenheit over the last century, and fluctuated far more radically hundreds and thousands of years ago, long before factories or SUVs.
 
Gasoline prices have risen to over $3 a gallon so the champions of government intervention call for doing away with "windfall profits," even though profits are less than a dime on every gallon. They don't seem to mind that taxes where I live are more than 60 cents on every gallon. One genius in Congress suggested a brilliant solution: add another 50 cent tax. That should fix things.
 
The press is outraged that the government is cross indexing millions of records of who telephoned whom in order to trace terrorists who want to kill us, even though 63 percent of Americans say they thought that it was a pretty good idea for protecting ourselves.
 
Democrat Party chief Howard Dean says his party has evangelical Christian values, even though they are for males committing sodomy with other males, women marrying women, men marrying men, children being raised without a mother or without a father if one of the spouses wants it that way, mothers killing their babies if they don't wish to be bothered by them, cloning humans to destroy them and then harvest their parts, keeping cold-blooded murderers alive, enforcing "charity" by taking your money at gunpoint and giving it to someone else, trying to understand people who have sworn to kill us, keeping God out of schools where children might hear about Him and extending the rights of law-abiding citizens to law-breaking foreigners.
 
On second thought, I'll keep reading my granddaughter Alice in Wonderland. She's got a really good imagination, but this other stuff is just too hard to believe.
 
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